Seriously though. I mean it.
Don’t be an asshole this holiday season.
A good chunk of the world will be celebrating holidays over the next two weeks and fitness people just can’t seem to keep their stupid mouths shut.
I am the first to apologize about it. I used to be a fitness holiday asshole too. Maybe we should get that hashtag going – #fitnessholidayasshole.
It’s like the entire industry decides that the best thing we can do at this time of year is attempt to make your life miserable. And not just by telling you how many stupid things you do, how you don’t exercise enough, and how you don’t have any willpower. We also tell you that any kind of life enjoyment will make you over fat and probably die. But just as bad is the amount of time trying to get you to do things that simply make you look like an asshole to everyone else in your life.
I’m sorry. I promise not to do that to you anymore.
Yet I am still inundated by a non-stop barrage of chastity worthy articles, posts, rules, and comments from fitness people trying to turn you into a fitness asshole.
Did you know that 90% percent of the population HATES exercise, HATES fitness, and HATES your constant annoying self-righteousness at their holiday parties. I rant about this a lot around Halloween. The incessant barrage of ideas on how to prevent kids from eating too much Halloween candy.
Here’s an idea – if you’re that worried about it, don’t let them go out with a sack or pail and collect copious quantities of plastic wrapped shit (sorry, hardened sugar and fat that tastes delicious). That is strategy one.
Strategy two. Let them eat as much as they want. Gorge themselves. Get it done! Trust me, it is not Halloween candy that is causing the epidemic of childhood obesity and diabetes. No. That is from the shit, candy, sugary drinks, and other ‘typical’ kid fare the rest of the year. Halloween ain’t the problem.
And this leads to the holiday season.
There are going to be parties. Events. Dinner. Family get togethers. Celebrations. Let’s be honest. Some holiday cookies and a rum laced egg nog are probably all that will get you through the season without being involved in an incident that will get you a staring role on Criminal Minds.
Then it begins. Trainers, nutritionists, and the rest of the industry start laying into you about what you should be doing to make sure that you don’t gain 20 pounds over the holidays.
Most of them seem to forget the basic laws of physiology that tell us gaining 20 pounds of fat over two or three weeks is pretty fucking ridiculous. Sure you could gain some fat, who knows, I bet no one is actually measuring their fat. The scale may inch up (note: if you weigh yourself fucking stop it) but that is mostly water getting retained after consuming half a fruit cake. Wait – do people actually eat fruit cake?
So the industry rambles n doing it’s best to make you feel like a piece of shit or at the very least act like an asshole. Let’s look at some common recommendations.
Pack up your own healthy snacks and food so you are sure healthy options are at the party.
What. The. FUCK. Seriously? Who the fuck things this is a good idea? Yeah. Pack up your own food into little containers and show up at the party. Then you can be a fully pretentious asshole sitting in the corner dunking your carrot sticks in your home made GMO free hummus giving dirty looks to the rest of the party scoffing down traditional holiday fare.
You’re not an inspiration. Everyone else is laughing at you. And when you leave the room they are talking about you and how ridiculous you are being.
So you probably won’t get invited again next year. And guess what else you did? You just confirmed the worst fears of everyone at the party. That in order to be healthy you have to avoid everything in life you love and you have to sit in the corner of the room dipping carrot sticks into hummus.
No one wants to be that person.
If someone asks you why you are making healthy choices, tell them your trainer is making you!
No. Please don’t. Don’t make people hate fitness coaches and perpetuate the belief that we are all horrible overlords dictating every aspect of your life.
If they ask you. Tell them the truth. Maybe they really want to know. If you choose not to drink booze or mow down on the baking platter because you are attempting to avoid a sugar spike that will put you within sight of cardiac arrest, that is your choice. It isn’t their business. Just do what you are going to to.
Practice Table Push Aways
Eat. And then push yourself away from the table so you theoretically can’t eat anymore.
Hey, how about try being a fucking grown up and just stop eating when youre full. Or if it your mom’s famous Christmas dinner feast, join your dog and eat until you are so stuffed you puke and then go back from thirds. Hey, it’s Christmas dinner. Enjoy it.
The point here? Do whatever you want and don’t feel guilty about it. It’s the holidays. If you eat that much the rest of the year you have problems. Don’t blame the holidays.
Fast All Day
Yeah. Good. Starve yourself. You won’t over do it that way.
I can’t even say more about this one.
Use This as an Opportunity to Educate Others
Don’t sit on your high horse lecturing everyone around you about all the bad decisions they are making and compare them to the super healthy decisions you are making. Making other people feel like shit is only going to make them LESS interested in fitness then they were before and any chance they will come to you for advice later is pretty much shot.
Besides, they already think you’re an asshole for showing up with all your little pre-packed food containers. Preaching off your soap box is NOT going to help you.
Don’t Go to Holiday Events
One of my favorites. Ignore your friends and family, sit at home, eat your veggie sticks, and watch reruns of The Biggest Loser for some motivation.
It’s the holidays. You should be family, friends, and whomever else you enjoy spending time with. ‘Tis the season.
These are just a few common things I see get passed around EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY. Stop my friends. Just stop.
Now to be fair, there are a lot of really great recommendations out there as well and a good chunk of the fitness world is starting to get the point and shift towards realistic ideas that won’t turn you into the holiday fitness asshole.
What should you do this holiday season?
We created a 30 Day Challenge (check our Instagram: tayloredtraining or search #TT30daychallenge on IG) designed to build positive habits through the holidays and still help people enjoy themselves. Check it out if you like!
Enjoy yourself. Be with the people who matter to you. Use tequila shots to dull the pain of being with the people you ‘have’ to be around. Do something active daily. Most of the time, eat your usual food. When you are at an event or a party, enjoy it and have a good time.
Don’t be a fitness asshole.
Don’t preach. Don’t lecture. Don’t take your own fucking food to someone else’s party.
Be smart, enjoy the season, keep your activity up, and know that the other 11 and a half months of the year is FAR more important to your health then a few weeks a year celebrating life with those around you.